From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
