I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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