I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
