HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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