So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
