Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
