I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
