Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You may now shotgun with the bride
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
