fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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