I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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