I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
