I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
