Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
