did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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