In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
