I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
