Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
