Me too!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
