Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just cut my nipple shaving
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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