The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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