chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
