and you said cock pushups were impossible
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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