We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
