my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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