I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
