Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pooping to opera.
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