i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
