It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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