even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
