im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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