Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
