Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
