he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
