I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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