I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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