when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize