Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
