He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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