I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
