I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
