I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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