oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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