I can't watch pbs sober anymore
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
