I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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