My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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