I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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