you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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