Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
