a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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