put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
