And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As shirtless as possible
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
