I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
