I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
