I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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