I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
