They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
