He had one of those small greek statue penises
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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