I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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