??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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