i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
