WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..