worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups