Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.