dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
